21 June 2009
I was thinking, "something must be wrong with me" as I reached the bottom of the 8 mile descent from the Eisenhower Tunnel today. I had not one moment of angst as I drove through the mountains. I took careful note of the semis around me (they can easily lose control down the 7% grade, so it's best to keep a good distance from them), but I didn't worry about whether their brakes would hold like I always have. We came down the mountain virtually on our own--the cars behind were well behind, as were those in front of us. I found myself weaving across the three lanes and back again as the curves presented themselves, and all I could think about were the beautiful mountains in front of us and the promise of reaching our home. I have graduated to the next level of calm, I might be able to think. But what about the fact that I thought there was something wrong with me when I didn't feel stress? That has to suggest that I still think of manic as normal and calm as abnormal. Perhaps I have more work to do.
I have no idea what we'll do tomorrow, but I'm not sure that really matters. Perhaps it's the thin air, which might create a lightheaded sensation that I mistake for joy, but this is the place where I don't worry about things. I think that makes it the perfect location for my attempts to make peace a state of mind that will travel with me beyond Breckenridge's elevation.